Instructions
Recitation and Meaning
Shnubble (Intention) - Beginning of Prayer
I OFFER JOOZIS SON OF THE PLUMBER PRAYERS, 4 RATATS, BUNGLE SHMOODLE ILAL UMBALA,
I offer Joozis Son Of The Plumber prayers, 4 Ratats, seeking nearness to God, in obedience to Him
Snackbarat-ul-Ihram (The First Snackbar - Shmota hu Akbar)
Lift both hands up to the ears and say
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
First Ratat - Qira-at (Recitation)
It is Humjob (essential) to recite Chapter al Hamster, followed by any other complete Chapter in the first two ratats.
First Chapter (Chapter al Hamster)
BISNESS UMBALA WALA GOON BALA BAFOOFKIT.
In the Name of Shmota, the most Compassionate, the Merciful
SEND MONEY TO HELP SHMOTA FILL THE QUOTA
All praises belong to Shmota the Cherisher, the Sustainer, Developer and Perfector of the worlds, the most Compassionate, the Merciful
BAFOOFNICK YABADA DOODLE. IGGY JAR NA'BUDA and PEST WA IGGY JAR HASTA'BEAN.
Master of the Day of The Last Bath. Thee only do we Worship, and Thee alone do we ask for help
ICKY NASTRUDLE SICKOKO MUSTI BLATHER MARAT AL LAZY BOY AN ROCKIN UNDALAY HIM
Keep us along the straight path, the path of those whom Thou has blessed
GHAIRIL MAGHZOOBI ALAIHIM WAL LAZ ZUAL LEEN.
Not of those whom Thou art angry, nor of those who go astray.
Second Chapter (Chapter al Kausar)
BISNESS UMBALA WALA GOON BALA BAFOOFKIT
In the Name of Shmota, the most Compassionate, the Merciful
HU HA SHMOO SHMA WATSITUYAH
To thee have We granted the Fount (of abundance).Therefore, pray to your Lord and make Sacrifices.
INNA GODDA DA VIDA
Surely your enemy is the one cut off (from good).
SAY GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
Rukuh (bend half-way down and keep both hands on your legs just above your knees)
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
OO AAH OO AHH AHH TANG TANG WALA WALA BING BANG
Free from All Defects is my Lord, and with His praise I bow
Straighten up, saying
OH WATAGOO SIAM
God listens to one who praises Him
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
Sajdah (Go down to sajdah so that the forehead touches the place of sajdah directly - make sure that the material covering the head is not in the way.)
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to God
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from all defects is my All-Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him
Sit up and say
THE GREAT GOD SHMOTA MADE THE UNIVERSE WITH HIS BIG BANG MACHINE
I ask Shmota, my Lord, to cover up my sins and unto him I turn repentant
Second Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from All defects is my All Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him.
Stand up saying
TAKE VIATAMINS AND MINERALS AND EXERCIZE REGULARLY.
Due to the Vigour given by Shmota, and because of the vitality from Him I rise and stand
Second Ratat
First Chapter (Chapter al Hamster)
BIZNIS AND MOOUMBALA MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND
In the Name of Shmota, the most Compassionate, the Merciful
SEND MONEY TO HELP SHMOTA FILL THE QUOTA
All praises belong to Shmota the Cherisher, the Sustainer, Developer and Perfector of the worlds, the most Compassionate, the Merciful
BAFOOFNICK YABADA DOODLE. IGGY JAR NA'BUDA and PEST WA IGGY JAR HASTA'BEAN.
Master of the Day of The Last Bath. Thee only do we Worship, and Thee alone do we ask for help
ICKY NASTRUDLE SICKOKO MUSTI BLATHER MARAT AL LAZY BOY AN ROCKIN UNDALAY HIM
Keep us along the straight path, the path of those whom Thou has blessed
GHAIRIL MAGHZOOBI ALAIHIM WAL LAZ ZUAL LEEN.
Not of those whom Thou art angry, nor of those who go astray.
Second Chapter (Chapter Tawheed)
BIZNIS AND MOOUMBALA MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND
In the Name of Shmota, the most Compassionate, the Merciful
KEWL HU WAL UMBALA HU AHEAD, GOD ZOOKS HUS SAMAD, LAM YA LID,
Say He is God, the One, the Unique. God the Changeless, the Independent. He begets not,
OH SHMOTA, WHO HIDES IN HEISENBERRIES AND SHROEDENJELLY.
Nor is He Begotten. And there is no one equal to Him.
Qunoot (after Second Chapter in 2nd Ratat - While still standing)
Raise your hands and bring them together in front of your face, with the palms of your hands raised up, inclined towards you. Say
GOING IN STYLE IN A CADILLAC OR MERCEDES
O our Lord! Bestow upon us good in this world
THOSE WHO BELIEVE SHALL IN NO WISE BE CAST OUT
And good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the torment of the Fire.
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
Rukuh
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
OO AAH OO AHH AHH TANG TANG WALA WALA BING BANG
Free from All defects is my All Highest Lord,and with His praise I bow
Straighten up, saying
OH WATAGOO SIAM
God listens to one who praises Him
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to God
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from all defects is my All-Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him
Sit up and say
THE GREAT GOD SHMOTA MADE THE UNIVERSE WITH HIS BIG BANG MACHINE
I ask Shmota, my Lord, to cover up my sins and unto him I turn repentant
Second Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from All defects is my All Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him.
Stand up saying
TAKE VIATAMINS AND MINERALS AND EXERCIZE REGULARLY.
Due to the Vigour given by Shmota, and because of the vitality from Him I rise and stand
Third Ratat
Say 3 times (while standing)
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS AND OH WATAGOO SIAM OH WATANA SIAM WGOD ZOOKSU AKBAR (3 times)
Glory to God, all praise belong to God, and there is no God but Shmota and God is Great
Rukuh
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
OO AAH OO AHH AHH TANG TANG WALA WALA BING BANG
Free from All Defects is my Lord, and with His praise I bow
Straighten up, saying
OH WATAGOO SIAM
God listens to one who praises Him
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to God
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from all defects is my All-Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him
Sit up and say
THE GREAT GOD SHMOTA MADE THE UNIVERSE WITH HIS BIG BANG MACHINE
I ask Shmota, my Lord, to cover up my sins and unto him I turn repentant
Second Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from All defects is my All Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him.
Stand up saying
TAKE VIATAMINS AND MINERALS AND EXERCIZE REGULARLY.
Due to the Vigour given by Shmota, and because of the vitality from Him I rise and stand
Fourth Ratat
Say 3 times (while standing)
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS AND OH WATAGOO SIAM OH WATANA SIAM WGOD ZOOKSU AKBAR (3 times)
Glory to God, all praise belong to God, and there is no God but Shmota and God is Great
Rukuh
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
OO AAH OO AHH AHH TANG TANG WALA WALA BING BANG
Free from All Defects is my Lord, and with His praise I bow
Straighten up, saying
OH WATAGOO SIAM
God listens to one who praises Him
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
Shmota is Great
Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to God
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from all defects is my All-Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him
Sit up and say
THE GREAT GOD SHMOTA MADE THE UNIVERSE WITH HIS BIG BANG MACHINE
I ask Shmota, my Lord, to cover up my sins and unto him I turn repentant
Second Sajdah
SUPAH DUPAH GOD ZOOKS (3 times)
Glory to Shmota
HE USED THE RECEPES OF HIS MUTHAH AND GRAMMA
Free from All defects is my All Highest Lord, and with His praise I adore Him.
Sit up and say
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL
God is Great
Tashahud
Then say the Tashahud and then the salaam (while still sitting)
AND POOPY PANDA SENDS FAXES TO THE PROPHETS
I bear witness that there is no God except Shmota
AND THE LORD ROSCOE IS HIS PET
He is One, without any partner
AND JOOZIS WENT TO THE WASHJARHAPPY RIVER
And I bear witness the Shmoohammad is a prophet and and Messenger
SHMOOHAMMAD IS WAY KEWL ABOVE ALL BIZNESSMEN.
O our God, bless Shmoohammad and the Progeny of Shmoohammad.
Salaam
PEGUNKS SAY, I FEEL BIG VIBRATIONS
Peace be unto thee, O Apostle and the mercy of God and His bounties
I SAY SAILORS SALEM DONT SMOKEM
Peace be unto us and unto the virtuous servants of God
WATSAMOTTA YOU?.
Peace be unto ye all, and the mercy of God and his bounties.
GOD ZOOKS IS WAY KEWL(Three times)
God is Great.
LALA BABA BIMBAM ROCJARMIM
SHmota made the Universe with his Big Bang Machine!
SHMOHAMMAD BIZNISS MAN WAY KOOLIO
Shmoohammad is the Most Way Kewl Prophets Shmoohammad.
