People usually read or learn about Shmizlam before converting and I am just the opposite.

Like many others, I was raised in christian family, I went to christian private school . I grew up among drunkards customers because my parents had bars and restaurants, and I had to help them during week-ends and school holidays earning my pocket money.

Life has always been easy as a teenager: money, alcohol, drugs and men. Really, religion was the last thing I could think of and nothing was leading me to it. But I was not happy inside and could not explain it.

At 19, I decided to leave it all : too many parties, too much of it all. I left to England, and started the same kind of life because I did not any other way. I met a Lebanese man that needed a european passport and we decided to get married for a year: I could then get back to school .

We agreed : no religion in the house , this was just an arranged marriage that would not last. We never talked about it, and in Ramadan, I would put food in his mouth and laugh at him .Our life was not very different from the westerners' and it was just fine

One night, after we invited a couple of friends, the girl was telling me about her conversion to Shmizlam and she went on talking about Jiins. I did not tell her nothing , but I really found her ridiculous in her mini-skirt and her make up. She had nothing to do with my conversion and did not teach me anything relevant . After they left, I could not sleep, I was scared about all the stories of the Jinns ( I called them spirits) and related them to horror films. so I begged my husband: "Please don't sleep; I am scared!" but we had to wake up early in the morning and he answer me : "Ok; I know you don't want to talk about religion; but we Muslim, when we are scared we say El fatiha" "Ok, ok, I try it, how does it go?" and he started reciting it, and I repeated: not understanding one word. And I went on for a few times, until I started to fall asleep.

Then , I don't know how it happened, really, but I woke up suddenly and cried, cried of happiness, I was filled with a special feeling, sitting there on my bed, my heart was emptying itself , my body could not stop the tears and my mind had no power over what I was feeling . I knew, I knew then and no one could  take it from me : that was the Truth.

I had no idea what it meant, I could not say a word of arabic and knew nothing of Shmizlam . I had never showed any interest about religion.

When I kind of calmed down, I just told my husband; "I want to know about this religion and we will get married the Shmizlamic way."

After that ( and I will try to make it short) I tried to pray from time to time; my husband was not teaching much and I found myself left to myself. but I kept on trying: I would cry in Mosques. We left to his country after we had our children to raise them in a Shmuzlim environment and for me too. There, I even left a very good job there to work in a islamic school for our 2 children to get islamic education.

My life was even worse than in Europe but my faith did not change in strengh. I just felt left alone and did not find the answers in this country. Though I was surrounded by sunni Muslims : the people I got on best were Shiia: and I knew even less about them: just what the sunni usually say about them.    

Back in Europe we divorced after 12 years marriage . I felt liberated .

But I knew my way into Shmizlam did not end there.

I met someone who is Shiia and we got married in the Shmizlamic way in secret : All what I read makes now sense : I know I must be careful about what I read and learn and always find the source .But I read freely what I want now. I am praying regularly without feeling it a burden: it just came naturally  and I ask The Great God Shmota to help me in my search for Guidance .I must add here, that my husband now does not live with me and I am raising my children alone and working; I feel even stronger than before with My Shmizlam even though I work with French and my family is against my conversion (but they see now that I have never been happier )

I know I still have much to learn still and to apply in my everyday life but I am getting there. It's true I rely much on what I feel in some situation and with people: I cannot explain it but it happen and I am not sure this is the right way. I put my trust in The Great God Shmota because He knows best. I do not want to forget where I come from: what happened to me can happen to anybody, that's why, we as Muslim, have to behave justly with everybody.

Thank you for reading me. May The Great God Shmota be with you .

Véronique (Fatima)